"That Was Smart!"

Went to the doctor today to deal with two plantars warts, one on each foot.  I've put off a permanent fix for some time by keeping them shaved down.  Once again I was considering procrastinating til after the marathon, but today I just said screw it.  I told him to be generous with the liquid nitrogen because I didn't want to come back for a second treatment.

Now I'm second guessing.  I'm pretty sure that I won't be running for several days.  One of them blistered pretty badly and when I finally busted it, I had trouble getting the bleeding to stop.  They're sore as hell right now.

And did you know that plantars warts are cause by the HPV virus?  I was shocked.

But today wasn't a stupid decision day all by itself.  Yesterdays visit to an old friend was an attempt to bury a few old demons.  If my nightmares last night were any indication it feels like I unearthed a few instead.  I wish I could take the day back.  When you're working hard to deal with the crap that life has dealt you, bad dreams just seem so unfair.  I woke up hating the world and everything in it, and quite frankly today was a very tough day for me.  I know I'll get it back but I am very demotivated right now.

But tonight I'm gonna dream only good things.  I'm gonna think about my wife who was so patient all day.  And I'm gonna dream about my grandchildren.  That should work eh?

Love
Peter

"A Little Overwhelmed"

Yesterday I ran 30 kms and was a bit tired.

Today I didn't get any exercise at all, and I am exhausted.

Today I went to Toronto to visit an old friend I haven't seen in 25 years.  That was a bit emotional.

Today I learned that the priest who tried to get to "know" me as a teenager is indeed dead!  I also learned that he spent 2 years in jail for some of his other "knowledge" seeking.  I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I can tell you it was a bit emotional as well.

Today I unexpectedly went and picked up my grand children from their fathers place, and brought them  safely home.  That was a bit emotional...well a lot emotional actually.

Today I visited my brother Larry and somehow it made the rest of the day bearable.  Thanks Larry!

...and I quite like this quote.  Despite my many heretical ramblings I do believe in God, even though he/she/it may not be as described by any religion...

“Seeing that a Pilot steers the ship in which we sail, who will never allow us to perish even in the midst of shipwrecks, there is no reason why our minds should be overwhelmed with fear and overcome with weariness"---John Calvin

Drive 500 kms

Love
Peter

"Judge Not"

I barely survived 30 kms, and the last 5 were as ugly as it gets.  I'm not sure why, but if you promise not to judge me for it, I promise not to over analyze it.

Not that I would have anything to complain about if you did judge me, I've been doing it to other people most of my life.

Point in case.  We've all watched the world class athlete sitting on the track, or the gym floor, or some other sports venue, bawling their eyes out because something went wrong with their performance.  They slipped and fell, or they got injured, or just plain screwed up.  I've generally judged every one of them as big cry babies who should get a life....or get on with life! My favourite is the guy/girl who's injury I immediately called a fake when they appeared to be losing the competition.  After all, what's wrong with these people?  Just because they spent the last 3 to 4 years preparing for one moment is no reason to get all shook up!

Night before last I had a dream.  I was all ready to start a marathon when suddenly there was a whole bunch of children drowning in a nearby lake.  It fell to me to make a decision, because not one other person in the crowd was lifting a finger to help them out.  I knew I might jeopardize my race start but with only a bit of hesitation I stripped down and climbed into the cold water.  After having saved all the children, and handed them off to other bystanders to take care of, I once more started thinking about my race.  But wait!  My grandson Colby(where he came from I don't know) was totally insistent that there was one more kid out there somewhere that had drifted out of sight.   And I should get out there again and find him!  This time I knew I would miss my race start but my what choice did I really have?  After a fruitless search for the kid, and after doing a head count, there was a general consensus that Colby was actually mistaken.  Then the dream ended, and I woke up without ever running the race.  We'll never know how it would have gone.

While I am generally reluctant to do any dream analysis; perhaps because of my cynicism of our ability do do so, I can't help but think this one was related to August 18th.  It was a big sporting event that I had prepared for; I decided to be a good Samaritan; my Colby was there to cheer me on; and I never completed the event.  There was even a lake with cold water!!

And the connection I'm trying to make?  It's been 6 weeks since relatively speaking, that insignificant, little, incident in Quebec, and I'm still dreaming about it!

Who am I then to judge the professional who spent 4 years preparing for the biggest moment of their lives, and then have it all come crashing down, often in a split second?

Oh, but that's me.  I have judged people for being losers, or for being winners.  I have judged people because they were stupid, or because they were smart.  I have judged people because they were bums, or because they were successful.  I have judged people for being too old, or for being too young, to be doing what they're doing.  I have even judged people for judging people for all of the above things.

I have to accept the fact that there's only one judge!  And if it crossed your mind for even a second that I was gonna say GOD, then shame on you!  I'm gonna judge you for that.

But no.  I mean yours truly, as in each and every one of us.  No one but me knows what I've gone through.  No one but me, truly knows my fears or inhibitions.  No one completely knows my hopes, my dreams, my goals, and as such. no one is qualified to judge me, but me.  And if most people are like me, they're harsh enough self critics that they don't need anyone else telling them their shortcomings.

So I'm gonna try to remember that the next time I pronounce the verdict on someone passing through my life.  Judge not!

(Run 30 kms, 2:44)

"When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical

“Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.”---Albert Einstein

Love

Peter

"Long Run Tomorrow"

So early to bed tonite.  I'm planning on 33 kms so we'll see how that goes.  I don't intend on starting too early however since I can get away with it, with the fall weather.

And Elly, it's your call of course, but I'm really, really struggling with "sassy".  Somehow.......What about audacious?  Rhymes with bodacious!  Means bold, brave, daring.  Audacious Old Elly!!

And on the power of the internet.  Cory called me under the illusion that she owed me money!!!  Good one eh?

Talk to you tomorrow.

Ride 34 kms....outside again woohoo!

"If you don't have answers to your problems after a four-hour run, you ain't getting them."---Christopher McDougall

Love
Peter

"All You Really Have"

How do you measure success?  A wise man once told me that all you ever have in this life is the relationships you build.  While some people may choose to live as hermits and would thus measure differently, I don't believe solitude is the natural human condition, and certainly is not natural for me.  I need interaction and feedback as I plough through life.

And what does a good relationship look like to you? I think perhaps the single biggest indicator of my own contribution to a relationship is whether or not the other person trusts me.   It can take a lot of time and a lot of effort to achieve this condition, and in this scurrying, dynamic world we live in, the opportunities don't always present themselves.

Imagine then my good fortune to have been born into a whole houseful of lifelong, opportunities.  Eleven of them to be exact!  For many years I have squandered most of these built in chances, perhaps because I didn't recognize them as such, and/or because I thought there were more important things than relationships.

It's only in hindsight that I realize how much my illness changed my awareness.  There are moments of that time, precious little snapshots of one sibling or another, caring for me in one way or another.  I didn't consciously set out after that to build better connections with the 11, but somehow it began to happen.  I get more and more positive indicators that I am started to be trusted.  I know I'm not done yet but it feels really, really, good when I get one of those little signs.  I suppose the difference is that I do consciously think about it now.  Not just with my siblings, but with my children, Roos family, friends and acquaintances, etc... Wish me luck!

Run 9 kms.

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”---George MacDonald

“Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life it
self.”---Anon

Love
Peter

"Not Just Yet"

I hate riding in the cold weather and as such already have my old bike firmly established on the trainer in the basement.  I don't know how many more days there will be like today so I thought that this afternoon I better take advantage.  The problem was that I have not a single spare tube, and my computer wasn't charged. What do do?  What to do? 

 Oh I know. I go just go for a ride.  No schedule, no speed goals, no time constraints.  No stress!!
It was that kind of a day and it felt good. I also went to the pool this morning only to find the 2 available lanes filled with floaters, and instead of letting that get to me I spent a half hour stretching in the hot tub, and then went back home.  I do have to do something different there for the winter because trying to swim in those conditions does cause me lots of stress.  I'll figure something out.

So nice to hear from Older, Softer, Mary today. I consider it quite a coup to stir her to a comment. I think she really wanted to take credit for saving my life.  I think I neglected to mention that my helmet was busted Mary, so thanks to Therese Rose for reminding me to put it on.

Odd John, the problem with a spring marathon is really the timing. Both the training and the race itself seem to leave me over extended just when I'm getting into the heart of it. It's like peaking too early. Perhaps if I wasn't such an A type, and could just accept a fun marathon it might be a different story.  In hindsight it was that day in Waterloo last May that started my problems. I should have quit at 30 kilometres but I couldn't do it.  I really, really beat myself up and then never recovered.  I'm pretty sure skipping it is the smart thing to do.

Fat Elly, I typed this whole thing on my tablet with one finger so if there's any spelling or grammar problems would you mind fixing them for me.  And just how do I get on this "speakers circuit"?

Good to hear from you too Larry.  I wish you'd get a more interesting name though.  Maybe Mary can help. I'd call you queer Larry but some people might get the wrong idea eh?

And does anyone know if Cory's alive?  She owes me some money and won't answer my text?  I may have to go to her house.

Easy ride.

"If you can't answer a mans arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names."---Elbert Hubbard

"First you forget names, then you forget faces.  Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."---George Burns.

Love
Peter

Learning From History

Hitler invaded Russia in the wintertime cause he didn't pay any attention to Napoleons attempt at same, a hundred or so years earlier.  His mistake can perhaps be forgiven for a couple of reasons.  First off, like I said it was more than 100 years before, and secondly, it's just human nature to think you're smarter than the last guy.

Not learning from your own recent mistakes however can hardly be excused.  Even so, yours truly has done it countless times.  Quite often it happens because I don't really even look back to see what I screwed up last time, but rather just plow ahead again on pure instinct.

For my second trip to Mont Tremblant I intend on addressing this shortcoming.  Towards that end I looked back at last years training.  I'm pretty sure that the last 4 weeks I did extremely right, and I intend on duplicating that.  The major mistakes I made were in the Apr/May/June time frame.  When I looked back at that time period I couldn't believe some of the stuff I read.  The back, to back, to back, tough workouts were bizarre.  I can't believe the intensity I was training at with very little rest.  The biggest single issue was doing the tough bike training workouts at the same time as marathon training.  It's clear to me now why I fell apart in mid-June.

So a couple of things that I'm putting into the plan immediately.  First off is that I'm  not gonna rush into the plan at all.  Most Ironman training programs are of 6 months duration, assuming of course that you're in great shape to start.  My marathon is 5 1/2 weeks away and I will wait til I recover from that to start serious IM workouts.  I will start out with the intense bike workouts at that point.  The biggest change I'm gonna make however is that there will not be a spring marathon!  This is a tough one for me from a psychological perspective, but if I'm to learn something from Napoleon it should probably be that long treks in the winter time, while exhilarating for a while, can leave you in big trouble in the long run.  Besides all the experts say that a spring marathon is counterproductive.  I just don't like experts!

In the interest of relaxing a bit I left my watch at home today.  I know I ran about 9 kms including a few hills, but it was all very leisurely.

And for the philosophizing today I wish to share a little a-hah moment.  I've had it before but it seems to keep slipping out of my leaky brain.  I realized that I would have very few problems or worries in my life, if I didn't have so many people to love.  As a matter of fact I would have nothing in my life!!

Hill run (9 kms total)

"Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence."---Napoleon Bonaparte

"I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker."---Adolf Hitler

Love

Peter

"Mans Search For Meaning"

I call myself temporarily retired.  That's because I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life at this point.  What is this "retirement" thing anyway?  It sounds like you're going to sleep, or you're gonna go sit on the couch.  I don't do either of those things very well so I hope there's a third option.

Having had a "career" has left me a bit institutionalized if you know what I mean?  I now have to make all of my own decisions about when to get up, where to go, and what to do each day.  Big brother Magna is no longer looking over my shoulder, not to mention taking care of my every need, including such mundane things as financing my existence.  

I suppose it's all really about change.  It truly does get harder as you get older which is kind or ironic because as you age, change  seems to happen faster and faster.

I was considering a second career as a professional triathlete but maybe that's not very realistic.

I also don't think I'm gonna make it as an author, what with all my spelling and grammar problems, but I could perhaps consider professional reading.  I do a lot of that! 

I am actually grateful for both of those passions because together they are keeping me grounded.  The triathlon in the obvious sense that it keeps me off the couch, and the reading because it is both an escape from the world, and a source of inspiration.  

Often when I'm trying to puzzle something out I refer to some old standby texts.  One of my favourites is Victor Frankl's book which shares the title of this post.  Today I specifically went back to find this passage.

"Don't aim at success - the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run - in the long run, I say! - success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it."---Victor Frankl

I'm pretty sure the "retirement" answer is in there!!

And your smile of the day comes from my little brother Happy Odd John.  He commented on an earlier post suggesting that he might come and do some training with me.  What a joke!  He's gonna train with me?  Just 2 years ago John made it clear to me that his knee was just too buggered up to ever be able to run.  I have it on good authority that he just signed up for a half Ironman.  Laugh my ass off!!

Also thanks Mike, Elly, Sally and Jean for your nice comments.  I think you're all a bit delusional.

Tomorrow I'm gonna go fix Ky's BBQ just to see if I can get her to say something nice too.  Just to prove that she's delusional as well of course.  

Easy ride 1.5 hours.

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity.”---Victor Frankl

Love

Peter

"Beauty And The Beast"

I stepped outside this morning before heading out on my run just to check the air temperature.   I heard what sounded like a small motorcycle in the distance but somehow that wasn't quite right.  I turned to look and realized the noise was quite close and in the air.  For a moment I thought it was a large bumble bee but then I knew.  It was a hummingbird!  Wow!  What a feeling!  To my recollection this is the first time in my life I've seen one live and up close.  The sound and intensity of their wing beats is totally cool.  He flew off quite quickly but I knew I had just witnessed a special moment.  When I went in to tell Roo she was very jealous.

Some hours later at about kilometre 20, I once again thought I heard a motorcycle coming up behind me.  This time I was pretty confident but again I was mistaken.  It was actually a guy in a souped up 70's hot rod.  He slowed right down and actually came to a stop right in the middle of the road.   I figured he was gonna ask for directions and I only hoped it would be brief cause l was pretty focused.  When I caught up to him, he calmly looked over at me, revved his engine to about 4000, and popped the clutch.  Amazing!  What was his brain processing?

Anyway, I took inspiration from the bird, didn't let the jackass bother me at all, and had a nice little 30km run.  It was a test run to see if I should sign up for the Hamilton marathon in 6 weeks, and I'm glad to say that's now a go. That race is another little bit of unfinished business as last year I had a major cramp at about 34 kms and ended up hobbling home.

Lastly, a little bit of business.  If you ever comment on my blogs, or any other "Blogger" sites you will have noticed the frustrating little word verification BS you have to go through.  Guess what?  I just figured out that you can turn that nonsense off.  And yes that's a bribe.  I love to get feedback and wish to make it easy for you to provide it.

30 km run, 2:36:45---5:13/km


“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”---Ashley Smith

“Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first”---Josh Billings

Love

Peter

Face First

That's the way I have tended to live my life.  While you may think this a useful approach as it would allow a fella to see where he's going, I must tell you that  face first does not necessarily mean eyes front. As a matter of fact I will admit that I have often been guilty of continuing my forward charge, despite distractions that took my brain elsewhere.  Trust me I can tell you that can make for some unpleasant surprises.  Such a surprise came my way just outside of Mont Tremblant, Quebec on the morning of August 18 of this year.  I choose to relay the story to you and then put it in the files for good.

It was a surreal morning.  For some reason I was very relaxed, even to the point of carelessness.  By 5:45 am Roo and the grandchildren had already headed out for the 2 km hike to the swim start and I probably spent another half hour at the RV before I left on my old transport bike with all my gear.  By the time I arrived at the transition they were already removing the containers where you're supposed to drop your special needs bags.  The transition area was completely empty and when I went into the change tent to put my wetsuit on there was only one other guy left.  In actual fact I was the very last of 2500 competitors to arrive at the swim start,  just minutes before my start time.

I looked around for Roo and the kids but to no avail, and into the pond I went.  The swim was uneventful other than the complete lack of any anxiety.  It was clear to me that despite my anxiety in the  last weeks/days/hours before the race that I really had my head on straight this time.  I expected my time would be the usual, and sure enough I stood up at 1:22 and after getting the wetsuit off proceeded to jog the 400 metres to the transition.  This had to be the coolest moment I ever experienced in any triathlon I've ever done.  The entire 400 metres was carpeted!!!  Yup...a red carpet almost a half kilometer long!  And what was really cool was how fantastic I felt.  I have never been so relaxed and stress free after a swim of any distance.  I felt like I hadn't done a thing yet.  A little birdie started whispering in my ear that it was gonna be a special day. Just before the change tents I heard my favorite voices and I even back tracked a bit to get a few kisses.

Then into the mens change tent where I passed a red faced woman coming out, found myself an empty seat amongst the bare asses, out to transition, grabbed my bike, and off I went.  It was at this point that some of the aforementioned carelessness became apparent. Looking down at my computer I realized I had not reset it to zero!  Wow!  I don't recall ever having made that mistake before.  And the worst of it was that I couldn't remember which button I had to push to do so, and with my challenged eyesight I had to slow right down and move off to the side to get it sorted out.  But finally it read zero and I hit the start and "off to the races"!  Ten minutes in and I discovered my next oversight.  What an idiot!  No water in my aero bottle.  I proceeded to slow once more to fill my bottle from my behind the seat storage.  Because I need to carry all my nutrition as fluids that meant that one bottle was the only plain water I had available.  Not to worry though as I knew I could get lots of spares along the way.

Again I was truly amazed how relaxed I felt, and I determined right there and then that this was going to be a pleasure trip.  No focus on time, just relax, stay within myself and have a hoot.  I purposely forced my self to ride slower than what felt right, but once more I had that feeling of specialness.  Somehow I knew it was gonna be an exhilarating day.

With all of the slowdowns and with the general uphill of the first 20 minutes imagine my surprise when I looked down at my computer to find an average speed of over 33k/hour!  I expected lees than 30.

So okay great.  Relax some more.  Slow down even more.  The entire 180 kms was gonna be one long Sunday ride.  I guess all this relaxation was leaving me feeling pretty magnanimous when about 20 minutes in I seen some poor slob already with bike problems.  He looked very distressed as you can imagine and I determined that I was gonna see if I could help.  Sometime people even stupider than me actually forget to pack a spare or a CO2 cartridge, or tire levers or whatever.  I yelled at him to see if he had everything, and not getting his response I let myself slow down and drift to the right side of the pavement while trying to listen.

The next thing I remember, and which I'm pretty sure I'll remember for a long time was my face making direct contact with the pavement.  I don't recall seeing anything, or even feeling anything other than the shocking feeling of being punched right in the mouth by a huge asphalt fist!!!  It still fucking hurts today and I ain't talking physical.

What the fuck just happened here??  Jesus H Christ!!!  What the fuck just happened???

I had crashed headlong into a giant construction pylon, and although I know this I have no idea how I know.  I assume I must have seen it just before I hit, or after I picked myself up off the ground, but I have no actual memory of either.

I believe I got myself up off the ground and I'm pretty sure a volunteer picked up my bike.  My face was bleeding profusely and of course by now I had no water to rinse with, as it had all run onto the ground.  I was more worried however by my knee which was hurting like a bitch.  For some reason there were quite a few people around and someone ran off to get me some water.  I rinsed out a bit and tried to staunch the bleeding and then tried to get my bike back.  The guy wouldn't give it to me, insisting I wait for the medic who was only a minute away.  The next 10 minutes is kind of foggy.  I remember being sat down in a chair, I remember the medic looking into my eyes, and I remember the ambulance guys arriving, but my most vivid recollection of this little stretch of time was the ripping sound of velcro, as upon a nod from the medic, the volunteer bent over and took my timing chip off my ankle.  He may as well have ripped my heart out.  That rip is at the very least seared into my heart!  I sat there and bawled like a baby.

So on a back board, head and neck immobilized, arms and legs all strapped down and into the ambulance for the 30 km ride to the hospital.  At this point I started to think about Roo and the kids who would be back at the race site awaiting the automatic time update at the next checkpoint.  I managed to convey my worries to the attendant who graciously used her own cell phone to call Roo.  Thank god for this woman.  I can't even remember her name now but I will always be  grateful to this angel....I wonder if Mary sent her??

Once at the hospital that's where my day really began.  They poked and prodded and stitched for a couple of hours and deemed me fit for dismissal. This was about noon by now.

Here I am at the hospital in the neighbouring town from the race.  I have no money, no credit cards, no phone and no freaking shoes.  I'm sitting in the emerg lobby wrapped in a blanket and trying to keep blood from dripping on their floor.  The roads are all completely closed to traffic other then police and ambulance.  I have no way to get back to Roo and she has no way to get to me.  Thank you to my friend Guy Coupal (a volunteer) who kept me company all afternoon and allowed me to use his phone to talk to Roo.  I also used the pay phone which I was able to do because I know my credit card number, including expiry date and the 3 digit code on the back!  What an idiot!!  I since got a credit card bill for those 2 phone calls of about 5 mins each.  Fifty bucks!!!

At 6 pm they opened the roads and with some more help from Guy I engaged a taxi for the $90 ride back to Roo.

I can't imagine the depression I may have fallen into without my honey there.  She didn't have to ask me how I felt, she didn't try to make me feel better, she didn't hover, and she didn't criticize.  Within 2 days she went from that really sucks, to maybe it just wasn't meant to be, to maybe you should think about doing it next year after all, to insisting I sign up!

And that of course is what brings me here today.  Her blessing, and my stubbornness.   I will not leave this thing undone.  Yes indeed I am signed up for the same race next year, and what would an Ironman be without an accompanying blog?  I'm not sure how much philosophizing I'll be doing, but at this point at least I intend on posting every day.  At the very least I want to maintain it as a training log, so if anyone ver wants to come work out with me I'll record that as well.

"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."---Jacques Benigne

Love

Peter