"End Of Face First"

Please go here.

Love
Peter

"I Wonder"

We got home around supper time, and what a great feeling.  To be home, to see Mig and Adrian, and even get a hug from our youngest son.  To find the place all in order, and to get rid of our grandchildren!  :)

I feel pretty mellow.  Not up, not down, just quiet.  I look forward to getting back into a routine fairly soon, and while I will get back into training at a leisurely pace, I do want to at least start going back to the gym and the pool.  I also need to get some structure back into my eating, because I'm quickly giving back the gains (or I guess that's losses) I made earlier this year.

And while I describe the feeling as mellow, it is entwined with a great deal of optimism.  I feel like I have a lease on life for another year, and while there will be some nuisance stuff in it, I feel confident that I can keep it all in perspective.  Certainly Sally's death has been very good for me, as I believe, was the failed Ironman.  Both of these events have me taking stock of my life, and as I take stock, I am filled with a sense of wonder!!  I'm also filled with a resolve to change a few things, which of course I will tell you about as I go.

And this sense of wonder also got me "wondering".

I wonder what I would feel like right now if everything in my life were identical, with the exception of having signed up for next year.  I wish I could tell you with confidence that I would still feel so optimistic?

And furthermore, I also wonder what I would feel like if everything in my life were identical, with the exception of the failed Ironman; if I had the perfect race?  I wish I could tell you that I would still feel so optimistic?

So while I was still wondering all these things, I sat down to deal with 10 days of mail, and amongst all the junk I find this.

A card from my cherished, and very wise friend Deb.

Inside it were the following words.

"WONDER....As a master I open my eyes to the wonder of being.  Delighted in the way things turn out, amazed at the beauty of it all....the perfection.  And I am happy!"

And how she knew I have no idea, but Deb, you nailed it....I am exactly where I need to be!!  That reminds me though that I also have to credit my wife one more time.  It was her decision that put me exactly where I need to be!  I guess that's what friends are for, eh?

"Wisdom begins in wonder."---Socrates

Love

Peter

"Two Syllables"

My wife made a rule!  I told you she's the boss!  Two syllables for the title of the next journey that is. And I think I got it!  I think....  I need a few more days to let it percolate.

Meanwhile I feel just a wee bit better today than yesterday.  We went for a family bike ride just after lunch, and that got me thinking that maybe I wanted to try to get my heart rate up a wee bit today, just to confirm that the signal is still working.  I don't know how all that shit is supposed to work, only that it didn't the other day.

So I put some running gear on, and headed to the beautiful paved trail they have here. And although I am still extremely exhausted, I am glad to report that I got my pulse up to 131.  That is higher than it was at any point during my twelve hours last Sunday!!

And as to continued blogging, it seems like I've added that to my list of addictions, so for now at least it will go on.  When we get back home I will create the new page and announce my title.  

And I ended up my run/walk effort today at 4 kms, so my wife says I only got 17.1 kms to go to finish my ironman :)  Bitch!!

run/walk 4 kms

"As a rule, we find what we look for; we achieve what we get ready for."---James Cash Penney

Love

Peter

"Three Days Later"

I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised, but I still feel like crap.  I have to remember that although I didn't do an Ironman, I still spent a lot of fuel on Sunday.  Any activity at all leaves me wanting to lay down for a while.

But wait!  I'm on vacation!  I can just do that (lay down that is) and not apologize to anyone.....not even to myself.

And of course the theme of this trip continues with some more downpours, this time somewhere near Kingston, Ontario.

And as to a title for the next adventure I appreciate all the ideas, but none of them really struck a chord with me.  I'll keep thinking, but would of course welcome more ideas.

"We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens."---Chuck Palahniuk

Love
Peter

"Surprised"

I think surprise was truly the strongest emotion I experienced over the first few hours of my race.  I am sure that I was fitter than I've ever been.  The last 3 months of training went very well, and I had an excellent 4 week taper.  I felt good all of race week, and despite very little sleep the night before I felt ready.  My morning went totally according to plan as far as the last minute bike check, wetsuit donning, walk to the swim entry, etc.  As a matter of fact I experienced a small miracle when I got to that point.

You have to understand the scene at the start.  There are 2600 athletes, hundreds of volunteers and officials, and literally thousands of spectators, crammed into an area about the size of my kitchen!  It is pure bedlam!  One of the special bags they give participants is what's called a 'morning gear bag'.  Into that bag you stuff everything that you were wearing, and anything you were carrying on the way to the start.  In my case that meant, shoes, socks, shirt, jacket, pants, hat, body lubricant, watch , and my bicycle pump.  Believe it or not you then had to heave that bag into the back of a huge dump truck with the other 2600, not to be seen again until the end of the day....hopefully...

I packed mine up tight, just hoping that I would get everything back, as I was a bit worried that my pump would split the bag open.  I even had the good sense to put a hard case for my glasses in the bag.....but whoops....my glasses were still on my face, and my bag was gone!!!

What was I gonna do?  I wandered around for a bit hoping for some inspiration, and in the end realized that the only hope I had was to hand them to a volunteer, and pray to the gods that he/she would be able to remember my number, and that they had the wherewithal to get them back to me somehow.  Realize that these were the one and only pair of glasses I had with me, that weren't sunglasses.  You would think an experienced traveller like me would know better, and indeed I never went to India, China, Brazil, etc, without a spare pair.

Regardless, I had created this situation and so it was time to give them away, and move on.  I picked a random, red shirted volunteer, and tapped him on the shoulder.  When he turned around it took me a full second to recognize the beautiful face of Odd John!!!!!  I never even knew he was gonna be at the swim start, as I thought he was supposed to work the finish. You can just imagine my glee as he stuffed my glasses in his pocket.  And you know what's funny?  I realized just at this very moment, that even if I hadn't know this guy, somehow I had picked a volunteer who had the ability to remember my number, and the wherewithal to get the glasses back to me!!!  How cool is that??

Anyway, I digress.  I do that sometimes.

At exactly 6:54 am I slipped into the shockingly cold water with the rest of the orange capped, over fifty, men.  That's always pretty chaotic but the big moment comes when you run out of bottom to walk on, and you have no choice but to start swimming.  Not because of the swimming itself, but because at that moment every person who was taking up about a square foot of space, is suddenly taking up more like 6 square feet.  You know that it is at that moment that the kicking and gouging and biting begins!

I survived the first 5 minutes with only one displaced google incident, and a few other elbows and feet to the head.  No big deal.

But I was cold!  Damn cold!  And no matter how many times I do this, I am still amazed at how far 4 kms looks over the water.  I could actually track my progress since my GPS watch works  well even in the lake, so I knew fairly soon that I was even slower than I feared.  Not to worry though, cause how much does 5 minutes really matter over a whole day?  If only I could warm up!

Alas, that was not meant to be, and over the last couple of hundred meters I compounded my troubles by continually veering off course.  In the end I finished the swim in a horrific 1:38, and the watch said that instead of 3.86 kms, I had mis-navigated it to 4.11 kms....an extra 250 metres!

I dragged my sorry butt out of that cold lake, and although I felt a bit sluggish, I still figured I was gonna get it in gear on the bike.  I managed to get some high fives and some kisses from the spectators on the way to the change tent, where I took way longer than usual to get my bike stuff on.  Of course part of that was because I chose to add a long sleeve shirt, and a pair of gloves, but beyond that I couldn't get anything to work properly, particularly my feet and hands.

Despite my struggles to this point I still felt confident when I headed out on my bike, because this is always the element when I pass all of those people that are better swimmers than me.  Along with feeling confident, I also still felt cold.

For the first time in a race I had the luxury of a power meter, and based on my training experience I considered that somewhere between 150 and 160 watts would be reasonable on race day.  What that would equate to in speed would be reflective of the course itself, and in the end irrelevant.  That's the purpose of a power meter of course. 

I think it was at about 20 kms before I managed to get my average up to 140, and it was also at this point that I started to have some worries.  To reinforce the power meter induced worry, people were passing me....consistently!  My power soon started to drop off, and by the time I neared the end of the first lap it had deteriorated to 130!  I stopped and got a quick hug from Colb and Ky, and told Roo that I expected to be walking the marathon.  I was very discouraged.  The second lap of the bike was the loneliest of my life, and in the end I finished it at 119 watts, for an average speed of 24 kms/hr, and a time of 7:16.  To put that in perspective, I never had one long training ride under 130 watts, or under 28 kms/hr, and that was always with unrested legs.  

But I survived, and simply decided that if I had to walk the entire marathon, so be it.  I was not gonna set a world record anyway, and the plan all along was to have fun, and finish.  After another slow transition, but this time taking clothes off, I headed out walking.  I developed a strategy of walk 3 mins, run 1 minute, and this seemed to work reasonably well.  It put me on a pace to complete the marathon in under 6 hours, and at this point I was gonna be satisfied with that.  But.....after about 5 kms even that was no longer working.  Before I would finish my 1 minute run, I would start to get light headed, and I was forced to stop and bend over to get some blood to my brain.   Either that or fall down and bang my head off the pavement, and believe me I know from experience that that's not a good idea. What was somewhat alarming was that despite my exhausted condition, I could not get my heart rate up.  It would barely go over 100 at that point I felt faint.  Of course I know those things are connected.  With my heart rate low, and my legs using up all the volume it was pumping, there was simply not enough left to keep my head functioning.  

So I gradually reduced the run portions to the point that I was only walking and I was very relieved to get to the flat part of the run on the old rail bed.  At this point, to add insult to injury, it started pouring rain.  For the first time all day I was no longer freezing, but the rain put an end to that....back to shivering.  As well for the first time, I seriously considered quitting.  I told you that the end of the bike ride was the loneliest point of my life, but that was before this.  If I could have seen Roo at this time I would have broke down and cried in her arms...

The mental battle continued until about 15 kms when I was again faced with the hills that were typical of the first 5 kms.  That's when I discovered that I couldn't walk the hills without resorting to the bending over routine.  I'm pretty sure that this was when I lost the battle.

Somehow I struggled back downtown where there was one last insult awaiting me.  The way they have the 2 loop run set up is such that, even if you are only finishing your first lap you are forced to run (or walk in my case) through the finish chute with all the finishers, while hundreds of spectators in their innocence want to cheer you on and give you high fives.  You have to pass within 50 metres of the finish line, and listen to the announcer calling out names.  I won't pretend that this wasn't  very demoralizing.

Anyway, my hope in even forcing myself through this last bit of hell was that I would find Roo.  No such luck!  I actually started out on the second loop, and went about 200 metres before I stepped off the course, and took my number off. RIP 2607!

Of course I still had one small problem.  I was more than 2 kms form the RV, and I could not find Claudette.  Did I mention that the walk to the parking lot where the motorhome was parked was all uphill! That meant for quite a few stops on the way. And my worst fear was that I would get there and it would be all locked up.  I did still have the presence of mind though to remember that I had a spare key stashed under the frame.  

So back to the RV, a phone call to Roo, and the day was done.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

Two days later and I'm still feeling pretty sluggish, but my determination is already back.  I will give myself at least 2 weeks to rest my body, but then I'm gonna start building the plan.  It's gonna cover every possible eventuality, and although Roo doesn't like me to say it, next year I will cross the finish line or die trying!!  

All I still need is an appropriate name for the adventure.  Try Not! Game on! Encore! Face First!....and ???

"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise."---Alice Walker

Love

Peter

"Tough Decision!"

Dear Peter Rooyakkers,
Congratulations! You are now registered for the 2015 Subaru IRONMAN Mont-Tremblant - General Entry - Individual. Please check the event's website for updates.

I'm just glad I didn't have to make it!

Although my wife would have me believe that I make most of the important decisions in our lives, the truth is the exact opposite. And although I cautioned her as to the wisdom of the one she made this morning, she was adamant about it!

And I suppose somehow it was inevitable. Again my wife would tell you that we have very different personalities, but let me assure you that we share a strong stubborn streak, accompanied by it's more positive cousin, a never give up attitude.

I don't know why it came to mind but I was reminded of one of the teachings of leadership guru, Anthony Robbins. Tony claimed that we choose to do things, or not to do things, based on the pain we associate with the decision. I think Claudette associated more pain in having to deal with my anguish over the next few weeks, than the potential pain of another year of ironman training. If not on her own behalf, than certainly on mine.

I can tell you this. I never once implied that I wanted to go back next year, and as a matter of fact I'm sure I talked about this one maybe being the end of the line. Never the less, she made the call, and I was online as soon as registration opened at noon.

And she knows me pretty well. I think she read the pain in my eyes. She knows me well enough to know that I would not have quit yesterday if there was any reasonable option. To give you some sense of what it was like, by about 15 kms of the run, I could no longer "walk" up the hills without stopping every minute or so, to bend over and drop my head down. That was the only way I could prevent passing out!

I do want to give you a blow by blow of the day just like I would have done for a successful one, but that will have to wait. I will also have to try to figure out what happened yesterday, if for no other reason than to make sure it doesn't happen again. That will start with a visit to my Doctor to check out a few 'suspicions' I have. But that too will have to wait, because right now we're sitting in a very cool RV park in L'Ange Gardien, Quebec, and we're just gonna stay here for a couple of days and enjoy the quiet. Well as quiet as it gets with two grandchildren around. Actually I'm pretty sure they're gonna sleep in tomorrow, what with all the bungee jumping and luge riding, not to mention getting up at 5 am for 16 hours of Ironman! Of course they have Roo to thank for all that, because I was focused on my obsession.

I'm also not sure yet if I'm gonna blog through the upcoming endeavour, but if memory serves correctly I started asking that question 5 years, and I just checked, 1488 posts ago! I'll play it day by day.

And next year at Tremblant will be special because I will be in a new age group, but more significantly I won't be doing it alone. My little brother John, and my extra brother Brett both signed up this morning as well. What a hoot that's gonna be eh!!

"It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped."---Tony Robbins

"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."---Woody Allen

Love
Peter

"Life Goes On"

And there's little value in sitting around lamenting the things that didn't go your way.  I know that I did all that I was capable of, both in my training and preparation, and during the race itself.  I honestly don't know what happened, I only know something did.  In the coming weeks I will either figure it out, or just move past it.  After all "life goes on".

Love
Peter

"Rain, Rain, Go Away"

It could get ugly!  It is raining constantly now, and shows no sign of letting up.  They say it should taper off by morning, but I ain't holding my breath.  It will also still be very cool, about 10 degrees at race start.  That will mean long sleeves and gloves, for at least the first half of the ride.  On the positive side, it should be a good day for running.....and swimming for that matter  :)

If it's raining during the bike ride, I can promise you two things.  First, there will be tons of people getting an ambulance ride; second, I won't be one of them!

Whatever will be will be.  I'm gonna finish this race sometime tomorrow!!

Game on!!

"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."---Gilbert K Chesterton

I am a being of Heaven and Earth, of thunder and lightning, of rain and wind, of the galaxies."---Eden Ahbez

Love
Peter

"Feeling Relaxed"

I have my stuff pretty well ready for Sunday, bike checked over, and all my bags packed.  That exercise  seemed to help a lot, but I know that the biggest factor in my current composure was my precious grandson.  We spent a  couple of hours alone today, and in that little bit of time he  brought me down to earth.  The realization, one more time, that he is a thousand times more important to me than this Ironman!  Game on Colb!

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."---Marcus Aurelius

Love
Peter

"All Checked In"

I was the first guy in line!  Yup no shit!  Some 2500 participants, and I was first.
This is what greeted me.
Number one is a mystery step, which I never did discover
Can you guess what number 4 is all about?

And while it certainly wasn't my plan to be the first one there, I was indeed quite early, and I think the weather kept people indoors a bit longer this morning.  Eleven degrees and raining!  Holy cow!  They promise rain all through the weekend, with thunderstorm on Sunday.  I'll have to be a bit careful on my bike??  Game on!

After the welcome sign there was the special door, which you weren't even allowed to peak in.

Then at just a few minutes after 10 am, they threw it open to this scene. 

Sorry about the lousy cell phone pics but you get the drift.  The reason I wanted you to see this is because when I walked through the door, everyone in the room stood up and cheered!!!  I almost passed out with the sudden adrenalin.  I think there's probably about 50-60 volunteers working the scene.  What a cool, cool, moment!  I wished that Roo could have been there to share it, but they don't allow spectators in the room for congestion/confusion reasons.

So things are well here.  My nerves settled a bit after check in, but now in late afternoon they're back on the burner.  It's probably gonna be up and down like this for the next 3 days, and I already know that I'm gonna hate 4 am on Sunday.  

Oh well.  Such is life.  I am grateful for all the people who are coming to experience it with me, although it would still be just a wee bit better if Elly were here.  Trust me when I tell you that I know I could settle down if I had her to talk "life" with.  Next time we'll make it work Elly....my promise!

But without her wisdom to guide me, I'm just gonna try to focus on myself.  I know that Elly would tell me that I deserve to have a good day, without wrestling the demons that often besiege me.  I want this race to be special, and I think it's possible, but only if I truly relax.  Game on!

"If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything."---William Lyon Phelps

Love

Peter

"Fell Asleep"

Sorry.  It must be the travelling.

Love
Peter

"On The Road Again"

We had to take  a selfy, cause everyone we know had a job to go to this morning.  Trust me that it's the door of  the motorhome we're standing in.

We chose to  get 2/3rds of the trip out of the way today.  We are sitting in the RV near some place called Cardinal Ontario, listening to the rain drumming on the roof.  Roo and the kids are playing poker, I got in a little run that proved how out of shape I am, and all's well with the world.  If I wasn't so neurotic, I'd be at peace.

Tomorrow we will take our time getting on the road, as we only have about 3 hours left.  We'll pick up our rental car, and then get settled into Camping du Diable.  Thursday morning is Ironman check in.

It's gonna be a very weird experience this Ironman, as there will be 9 family members there cheering me on.  Along with Roo and the kids, there will be Jon and Lish, and her brother Ben, Grampa Brett, odd John, and John's brother from another mother, Dave.

I go back and forth from feeling energized by that, to feeling pressure.  And in fact I think both feelings are good for me.  The energy it gives is an obvious advantage, and I intend to use the pressure to keep me smart.  I want to arrive at the finish line with pride, and the best way for me to achieve that is with a good marathon.  And the only way to run a good marathon is to be smart all day long!

...and I found a very interesting quote to bridge yesterdays depressed to today's neurosis.  Tell me what you think of it....

"To be depressed or neurotic is passive. It happened to us; we are its victim, and we have no control over it."---William Glasser

Love
Peter 

"A Brush With Darkness"

It surprised me a lot to wake up with that old dreaded feeling this morning.  Anyone who has ever struggled with depression will understand why I call it the "darkness".  There's no other feeling that gives me the same kind of dread.  Not fear, not grief, not anxiety, not anything, is quite the same.  I think perhaps because it's so inexplicable in it's reason, and so so unpredictable in it's timing .  I know my life is charmed, and I am furiously grateful for it, and yet here comes the darkness!!

I'm gonna try not to over analyze it since I'm also grateful for the months I've gone without encountering it.  Quite frankly I can't even remember when the last time was.  I guess I would just like to understand to the point that if there is anything I can do to avoid it, I wish to do so.  For now I'm just gonna chalk it up to reduced training, combined with the stress of losing our friend Sally, and everything associated with that.  But I gotta tell you...it scares me!  I won't go back there no matter what!!

Okay...enough of that before I get shit from odd John!

It's now just after 5 pm the day before departure, and although I had a busy day, I think I'm ready to go.  I had some funeral home stuff to finish up quickly, including signing for Sally's ashes.  That got me thinking about what I would like done with mine when the time comes, and the only thing I know for certain is that I don't want them sitting around on someones mantle.  If I knew for certain they were good fertilizer I would request a garden or a farmers field, but I don't really care a lot.  As long as they return to the earth some way.

I also thought I better get in the pool for a few minutes since it's been 10 whole days since I even dipped my toes in the water.  Sure enough, I felt a bit rusty, but also much to my delight I was a wee bit faster.  Clearly it wasn't due to any improvement in my horrible technique, so I can only attribute it to reduced fatigue.  That's a good thing because that's what's supposed to happen.  I now have renewed hopes of getting out on my bike by 1 hour, 30 minutes, a goal I had pretty well given up on.  Time will tell however, as anything can happen in the swim.

So bright and early we head out in the morning, for our two day trip.  We found a really cool looking RV park on the other side of Kingston, so that's our destination for tomorrow.  That will leave us with the shorter half on wednesday, which I like anyway the closer we get to race day.

And that's it for today.  Wish me a peaceful nights sleep, and I will do the same for you.  Talk to you tomorrow from the KOA.

swim, 1000 metres

...and I love every one of these quotes....choose your favourite

"Give light, and the darkness will disappear of itself."---Desiderius Erasmus

"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people."---Carl Jung

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars."---Og Mandino

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being."---Carl Jung again

Love

Peter

"She Looks Fast!"

Light, aerodynamic, with all the bells and whistles.  And the coolest red tires you've ever seen!

Of course the actuall speed depends entirely on the engine, which has none of the aforementioned characteristics.

Once I had my bile ready, I focused on packing all those things I would need on race day. 

Ankle strap for timing chip.

Heart rate monitor strap.

Wetsuit

Goggles (2)

Swim cap

Chamois cream (lubricant for important body parts)

Old bike with carrier (ride to transition on race morning)

Tire pump (for race morning in transition since bike has been there since day before)

Spare tubes (2)

CO2 cartridges (4... for emergency flats)

CO2 chuck (the thing that triggers the CO2)

Tire levers

Ass wipe ( yup...goes with me on my bike)

Mini bike tool

Small towel

Bike helmet

Sunglasses

Bike water bottles

Petes Ironman Magic (my drink mix)

Spare power meter batteries (2032)

Bike GPS c/w charger

Bike Di2 derailleur battery c/w charger

Cycling shoes

Cycling socks

Running shoes

Running socks

Garmin watch c/w charger

Race number belt

Life savers ( for my dry mouth problem)

Gels ( for first few kms of run)

Still to make ready...laminated pics of Colby and Kylie for inside my shoes, and giant smile for finish line!!

Lots of stuff eh?!

But there's other much heavier stuff I'm gonna leave at home (see below). I think this is pretty good advice for race day, or any day for that matter. I'm gonna try hard to make it my attitude.

"If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears."---Cesare Pevese

Love

Peter

"Bed Time"

I haven't really stopped doing something all day.  It was a damn good day however.  The highlights were getting my bike cleaned (almost), and then a wonderful celebration of Elly's 60th!!  Holy shit!!

I also had a decent workout, and while I don't feel anywhere near ready to do an Ironman, I do feel ready for a vacation.  Three more sleeps!

ride 34 kms, run 5 kms.

"What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he wants to do."---Bob Dylan

Love
Peter

"My Tires Are Pumped"

I was supposed to go swimming today but I said screw it.  As odd John pointed out, it ain't gonna make any difference at this point anyway, and quite frankly I was too lazy.  I was probably a wee bit stressed as well because of my pending meeting, but whatever the reason, I have no regrets.

Besides, getting these tires up to 80 psi was a tougher workout that my swim was gonna be.  Thank goodness I have a high pressure pump, but it still takes a lot of pumps, to make a little difference.

But just as importantly I had help!  The best kind of help there is.  The kind that tries hard, has a pleasant spirit, and who appreciates the camaraderie associated with a shared task.

Like I said....no regrets!

And to top off a great day, after we got the tires pumped I went to my meeting which was a 'smashing' success!!  (I learned that word from Sally).  I'm just a wee bit proud of my effort actually, because I know that I use my worries to motivate preparation, and indeed I think I went into it with a good plan.  And I have to give them credit as well.   We had a very respectful discussion, on a very difficult topic.  Hats off to Alysha, Dustin and Mark.  I think we all felt like maybe Sally was watching us.  I know I did.

So tomorrow morning will be Ironman simulation, and then 2 1/2 days to get everything ready.  It will be a full couple of days but I feel so peaceful now, that I'm not in the least worried about it.  I will prepare and pack my IM stuff first, and after that who cares what we forget.  Roo's got a credit card!  So yes, thank you Gail....I'm off to erase the Ironman nightmares forever.  Game on!!

"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know."---W. H. Auden

Love
Peter

"The Shivers"

I've been pretty distracted recently and maybe that's been a good thing.  It's what's kept me from getting the Ironman shivers.  The Ironman shivers are what I call that sudden dropping sensation in my stomach, when I remember that the big day is perilously close.

I think the reason I started getting them today is because I've pretty well dealt with the urgent stuff related to Sally, and after a meeting with the family tomorrow, I'm gonna park it all until we get back.  Anyone that doesn't like that can take the proverbial flying leap!

Along with the shivers, I also had another cycling nightmare last night so I hope that's out of my system as well.

ttyt

"Don't stand shivering upon the bank; plunge in at once, and have it over"---Sam Slick

Love
Peter

"Honouring Sally"

Since Elly and Gail both said it was a good idea I decided to do it.  Despite an overflow of emotion by a family member it was perfect.  I'm pretty sure Sally would be happy.

But it was more draining than an Ironman!

I'm glad the emotional part is over, and now after a bit of bureaucratic work over the next few days I can switch my priority back to Ironman.

And once we leave town next Tuesday morning, the rest of the world can go on, or stop as it will.  I ain't gonna care!  I'm going to the races!

My workout today went fairly well.  Not exceptionally good or bad, but okay.  I thought I was gonna feel a bit fresher, but I wasn't sluggish enough to worry me.   My bike pace was right around my ironman plan, and run pace a bit faster.  That's the way it was supposed to be.

Tomorrow is off again, long swim Friday, and then my last real workout will be on Saturday.

ride 60 kms, run 6 kms

"Act well your part, there all the honour lies."---Alexander Pope

Love
Peter

"Feelin Better"

Just tired still, and edgy.  The edgy is  a combination of stress and reduced training so I'm not worried about it in the long term.  I do have to plan the next week fairly carefully as it's gonna be quite full, and if I don't remain organized I will get more anxious.  We drive off next Tuesday morning.

Tomorrow is "Wednesday with Sally", and I'm hoping that all the work that Roo and the Cupcake ladies are doing to prepare will leave a clear impression with Sally's family.  I truly don't think they realize how much we love her.  Quite frankly I will be glad when that part is over because that's the emotional part.  The part that Sally really, really wanted!

Then the next 5 days will be Executor stuff that won't wait, a few hard training sessions, and trip preparation.  If it comes down to a conflict between the legal stuff that left undone may cost someone some money, and my Ironman, I will choose Ironman.  That is an obvious decision if once again I listen to my Sally voice.

I took the day off again because that's what the book says to do if you are in any doubt at all about your energy levels.  Tomorrow I'm still planning on a hard one...the second last.

"All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last."---Marcel Proust

Love
Peter

"Feeling The Weight"

I'll get over it, but just for today I'm feeling the burdens of my world.  I am blessed with so many wonderful things in my life, and I know it, but everybody gets a little tired occasionally don't they?

I think it's primarily because Sally's death and all it's complications arrived just in time for Ironman.  I'm trying to focus on my priorities, but unfortunately,  I'm having trouble determining what they are from hour to hour.  But I suppose I'll figure it out....or I won't   All I can do is the best I can do.

One thing I know however is that there is no benefit in beating myself up over it.  Things will play out the way there supposed to....or they won't.   All I can do, is the best I can do.

I think I'll just feel sorry for myself for a bit, have something to eat (that always helps), and go to bed.  The sun will rise again tomorrow....or it won't.  All I can do is the best I can do.

easy bike ride, 34 kms

"To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift."---Steve Prefontaine

Love
Peter

"Good Night Sally"

Sally

On Saturday Aug 2, our friend Sally Steel left this world. We will miss her.  She left 2 very clear wishes behind.

1) She wanted us to have a “party” to celebrate her life, rather than a wake to mourn her death. You are invited to a special Wednesday with Sally”, Aug 6th, from 1 to 5 pm, at Knights of Columbus Hall, 265 Wellington St, St Thomas. Feel free to join us for the entire time, or just drop by to say hello. Either way, I suspect Sally would like to buy you a beer!!

2) She was a big fan of an informal group of St Thomas philanthropists called the Cupcake ladies. Sally asked that in lieu of flowers or any other kind of remembrance, that you consider a donation to support this amazing group’s ongoing Random Acts of Kindness. You can donate by cash at the “party” or alternatively via the Internet using the following link. http://www.gofundme.com/Cupcakes-RAK

What I will miss the most is eavesdropping on their conversations as her and Roo would sit at the dining room table over a jig saw puzzle.

Never in my life do I expect to witness another relationship like theirs.  To call them sisters would not do justice to the incredible chemistry that existed between them.   I feel like my life is diminished in some way without that relationship.  I feel so sad!

"I'm feeling a bit knackered"---Sally Steel

Love

Peter

"That Was Weird"

Interesting workout today.  Actually I think I screwed up just a wee bit.  My ride was relatively gentle, and while I didn't feel overly ambitious I was satisfied.  I focused on just staying within myself, and tried to relax.  I definitely got de-stressed, and that was a primary part of the goal today.  And since I asked for it, I also got a bit of rain.  Fortunately not until I was only 2K from home.  Finished my 90 kms at an average of 141 watts, and 29.5 kms/hr.  All is good.

I headed out on my 9 km run and initially felt great.  For some reason I started to flag a bit at about 4 kms, at about 5 kms I felt like someone dropped a load of bricks on me, and by 6 kms I was completely done.  I chose not to get stressed again, especially since the plan all along was to run til I didn't want to any more.  I walked for an entire km, at which point I thought I would give it another try.  Much to my surprise I managed another 3 kms to complete my 9K, (plus the walking km) but at a slower pace.

When I got back home I maintained my resolve to relax, and decided not to even analyze the unexpected crash.  That's why it came as a surprise when I chanced to step on the scales.  Whoops!  I'm pretty sure that I was a bit hydrated, as the scale came up 5 pounds lighter than when I left, despite drinking what I thought was enough.  The way my body felt for several hours afterwards kinda confirms it.  Strange though....I did stop to pee at about 70 kms....hmmm?

Oh well.  Like I said.  Over analyzing at this point would be totally counter productive.  I get tomorrow completely off again.  Woohoo!!

And for today's Sally update, she continues to rest in preparation for her journey.  She's lucky cause she doesn't have to worry about hydration....love you Sall!

ride 90 kms, run 9 kms, walk 1 km

Maybe your weird is my normal. Who's to say?"---NIcki Minaj

"Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different."---Bill Watterson

Love
Peter

"I Want To Ride My Bicycle"

And that's all I want to do!  I don't want to babysit other peoples adult children, let alone my own.  I don't want to talk to lawyers, bankers, morticians, or phone company people.  I don't want to pay bills, gather receipts, review documents, or see another piece of paper other than my Ironman race number!

And at least for tomorrow that's what I'm gonna do.  I don't care if it's raining, snowing, or if there's a tornado, I'm gonna ride my bike.  And what's more I'm gonna head out whenever I damn well feel like it, and when I get back, I get back.

And what's even more-more, is the fact that I'm not gonna feel guilty about it.  There's only one person in the world that I'm gonna care about tomorrow, and that's me!  Well okay....I'm gonna care about Roo as well, but I know she won't resent my bike ride.  And unlike my wife, who wants to be at Sally's bedside when she dies, I have no such need.  Actually she would do me a big favour by dying when I'm out riding.   Help me out here Sall.  We got the hall all arranged for your going away party. I already paid the fee, and it was with your money!

And to top it all off you know what I'm gonna do when I do eventually get back from my ride?  I'm gonna go running.  Yup! Yup! Yup! And on the run portion I ain't even gonna think about Roo, or myself for that matter.  I'm just gonna run!  I'm gonna run til I don't want to run any more, and then I'm gonna walk.  And if by the time I have all that done, and Sally still hasn't had the decency to die, then at the very least I'm pretty sure I'll have my strength back, and able to cope once again with all that shit I mentioned in my first paragraph.

Sixteen days til Ironman!!  I can't believe it's here. Game on!

swim, 3000 metres

"The journey of life is like a man riding a bicycle. We know he got on the bicycle and started to move. We know that at some point he will stop and get off. We know that if he stops moving and does not get off he will fall off."---William Golding

....and this one for all you feminists out there....it made me laugh

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."---Gloria Steinem

Love
Peter