My big sister turns 62 today! Happy birthday Cory!
What's harder to believe is that my son turn 35!! Life flies by doesn't it? And not just does the time seem to go fast, it rarely brings about the things you expect. If you look back, dreams and hopes are often unrealized. Either they dissipate little by little, or sometimes they just crash overnight.
Not having any kind of a relationship with my oldest son at this point in our lives is definitely a bit of a downer, and of course on his birthday it hits a little harder than usual. I try to think in terms of possibility but a positive future seems hard to grasp. I don't think that we're actually that far apart philosophically, but in the way we live our daily lives we may as well be on separate planets. I choose not to judge him for the decisions he makes because who am I to do so, but beyond that it adds no value anyway. The reality however is that without some common ground, what is there to even talk about?
So as much as Cory is older than dirt today it's probably the Peter thing that has me a bit maudlin. But so you're not worrying it's really not so bad. After all would I trade it? At the moment I have both of his children at my house where they spend a great deal of time, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I also have the incredible blessing of a close relationship with their mother, who thankfully lives next door to us. And I have his 3 brothers, all of whom I am very proud of! That wasn't always the case either.
So I'm allowing myself to feel a bit old just for today, but I promise to smarten up by the time the sun comes up tomorrow. After all it will come up! And it will come up to another special day, but I'll tell you about that tomorrow. Then I'll go on a bit about all the blessings in my life, blessings that make my troubles as a drop of water in the ocean.
On the training front I'm gradually backing off in preparation for my race. I still have a few hard workouts planned, but generally every second day will be easy from now on. I don't care too much how fast I run the marathon, but I want to complete it without too much agony. That means I need to be rested.
Easy basement ride 1hr, 20 mins.
"I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened"---Winston Churchill
"There is an old illusion-it is called good and evil."---Frederick Nietzsche
Love
Peter
What's harder to believe is that my son turn 35!! Life flies by doesn't it? And not just does the time seem to go fast, it rarely brings about the things you expect. If you look back, dreams and hopes are often unrealized. Either they dissipate little by little, or sometimes they just crash overnight.
Not having any kind of a relationship with my oldest son at this point in our lives is definitely a bit of a downer, and of course on his birthday it hits a little harder than usual. I try to think in terms of possibility but a positive future seems hard to grasp. I don't think that we're actually that far apart philosophically, but in the way we live our daily lives we may as well be on separate planets. I choose not to judge him for the decisions he makes because who am I to do so, but beyond that it adds no value anyway. The reality however is that without some common ground, what is there to even talk about?
So as much as Cory is older than dirt today it's probably the Peter thing that has me a bit maudlin. But so you're not worrying it's really not so bad. After all would I trade it? At the moment I have both of his children at my house where they spend a great deal of time, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I also have the incredible blessing of a close relationship with their mother, who thankfully lives next door to us. And I have his 3 brothers, all of whom I am very proud of! That wasn't always the case either.
So I'm allowing myself to feel a bit old just for today, but I promise to smarten up by the time the sun comes up tomorrow. After all it will come up! And it will come up to another special day, but I'll tell you about that tomorrow. Then I'll go on a bit about all the blessings in my life, blessings that make my troubles as a drop of water in the ocean.
On the training front I'm gradually backing off in preparation for my race. I still have a few hard workouts planned, but generally every second day will be easy from now on. I don't care too much how fast I run the marathon, but I want to complete it without too much agony. That means I need to be rested.
Easy basement ride 1hr, 20 mins.
"I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened"---Winston Churchill
"There is an old illusion-it is called good and evil."---Frederick Nietzsche
Love
Peter
It is true, isn't it; the sun rises tomorrow and whatever seemed so devastating today (or so depressing, etc.) looks so much different then. You taught me that in our short acquaintance!
ReplyDeleteLove,
gail
At Jon's wedding all four of us talked about how amazing of a Dad you are and have been, and how much good you've taught us.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, we make our own decisions and mistakes and live our own lives. I'm certain all four of us will be forever grateful for you.
Love you,
Michael
And you're also the best damn Grampa there is!
ReplyDeleteLove you more,
Michael
It seems to me that it may be good for you to feel old once in a while, as it probably acts as a bit of a release for some negative energy you may be harbouring. I can only imagine how painful your relationship with Peter is, but regardless, I would encourage you to remain positive about the possibilities. Just my two cents worth, but I would also encourage you to continue (or start) to reach out to him, no matter the current situation. Everyone changes a little bit every day. You will never be sorry you reached out, but you may miss an opportunity if you don't.
ReplyDeleteLove happy odd john