That's the way I have tended to live my life. While you may think this a useful approach as it would allow a fella to see where he's going, I must tell you that face first does not necessarily mean eyes front. As a matter of fact I will admit that I have often been guilty of continuing my forward charge, despite distractions that took my brain elsewhere. Trust me I can tell you that can make for some unpleasant surprises. Such a surprise came my way just outside of Mont Tremblant, Quebec on the morning of August 18 of this year. I choose to relay the story to you and then put it in the files for good.
It was a surreal morning. For some reason I was very relaxed, even to the point of carelessness. By 5:45 am Roo and the grandchildren had already headed out for the 2 km hike to the swim start and I probably spent another half hour at the RV before I left on my old transport bike with all my gear. By the time I arrived at the transition they were already removing the containers where you're supposed to drop your special needs bags. The transition area was completely empty and when I went into the change tent to put my wetsuit on there was only one other guy left. In actual fact I was the very last of 2500 competitors to arrive at the swim start, just minutes before my start time.
I looked around for Roo and the kids but to no avail, and into the pond I went. The swim was uneventful other than the complete lack of any anxiety. It was clear to me that despite my anxiety in the last weeks/days/hours before the race that I really had my head on straight this time. I expected my time would be the usual, and sure enough I stood up at 1:22 and after getting the wetsuit off proceeded to jog the 400 metres to the transition. This had to be the coolest moment I ever experienced in any triathlon I've ever done. The entire 400 metres was carpeted!!! Yup...a red carpet almost a half kilometer long! And what was really cool was how fantastic I felt. I have never been so relaxed and stress free after a swim of any distance. I felt like I hadn't done a thing yet. A little birdie started whispering in my ear that it was gonna be a special day. Just before the change tents I heard my favorite voices and I even back tracked a bit to get a few kisses.
Then into the mens change tent where I passed a red faced woman coming out, found myself an empty seat amongst the bare asses, out to transition, grabbed my bike, and off I went. It was at this point that some of the aforementioned carelessness became apparent. Looking down at my computer I realized I had not reset it to zero! Wow! I don't recall ever having made that mistake before. And the worst of it was that I couldn't remember which button I had to push to do so, and with my challenged eyesight I had to slow right down and move off to the side to get it sorted out. But finally it read zero and I hit the start and "off to the races"! Ten minutes in and I discovered my next oversight. What an idiot! No water in my aero bottle. I proceeded to slow once more to fill my bottle from my behind the seat storage. Because I need to carry all my nutrition as fluids that meant that one bottle was the only plain water I had available. Not to worry though as I knew I could get lots of spares along the way.
Again I was truly amazed how relaxed I felt, and I determined right there and then that this was going to be a pleasure trip. No focus on time, just relax, stay within myself and have a hoot. I purposely forced my self to ride slower than what felt right, but once more I had that feeling of specialness. Somehow I knew it was gonna be an exhilarating day.
With all of the slowdowns and with the general uphill of the first 20 minutes imagine my surprise when I looked down at my computer to find an average speed of over 33k/hour! I expected lees than 30.
So okay great. Relax some more. Slow down even more. The entire 180 kms was gonna be one long Sunday ride. I guess all this relaxation was leaving me feeling pretty magnanimous when about 20 minutes in I seen some poor slob already with bike problems. He looked very distressed as you can imagine and I determined that I was gonna see if I could help. Sometime people even stupider than me actually forget to pack a spare or a CO2 cartridge, or tire levers or whatever. I yelled at him to see if he had everything, and not getting his response I let myself slow down and drift to the right side of the pavement while trying to listen.
The next thing I remember, and which I'm pretty sure I'll remember for a long time was my face making direct contact with the pavement. I don't recall seeing anything, or even feeling anything other than the shocking feeling of being punched right in the mouth by a huge asphalt fist!!! It still fucking hurts today and I ain't talking physical.
What the fuck just happened here?? Jesus H Christ!!! What the fuck just happened???
I had crashed headlong into a giant construction pylon, and although I know this I have no idea how I know. I assume I must have seen it just before I hit, or after I picked myself up off the ground, but I have no actual memory of either.
I believe I got myself up off the ground and I'm pretty sure a volunteer picked up my bike. My face was bleeding profusely and of course by now I had no water to rinse with, as it had all run onto the ground. I was more worried however by my knee which was hurting like a bitch. For some reason there were quite a few people around and someone ran off to get me some water. I rinsed out a bit and tried to staunch the bleeding and then tried to get my bike back. The guy wouldn't give it to me, insisting I wait for the medic who was only a minute away. The next 10 minutes is kind of foggy. I remember being sat down in a chair, I remember the medic looking into my eyes, and I remember the ambulance guys arriving, but my most vivid recollection of this little stretch of time was the ripping sound of velcro, as upon a nod from the medic, the volunteer bent over and took my timing chip off my ankle. He may as well have ripped my heart out. That rip is at the very least seared into my heart! I sat there and bawled like a baby.
So on a back board, head and neck immobilized, arms and legs all strapped down and into the ambulance for the 30 km ride to the hospital. At this point I started to think about Roo and the kids who would be back at the race site awaiting the automatic time update at the next checkpoint. I managed to convey my worries to the attendant who graciously used her own cell phone to call Roo. Thank god for this woman. I can't even remember her name now but I will always be grateful to this angel....I wonder if Mary sent her??
Once at the hospital that's where my day really began. They poked and prodded and stitched for a couple of hours and deemed me fit for dismissal. This was about noon by now.
Here I am at the hospital in the neighbouring town from the race. I have no money, no credit cards, no phone and no freaking shoes. I'm sitting in the emerg lobby wrapped in a blanket and trying to keep blood from dripping on their floor. The roads are all completely closed to traffic other then police and ambulance. I have no way to get back to Roo and she has no way to get to me. Thank you to my friend Guy Coupal (a volunteer) who kept me company all afternoon and allowed me to use his phone to talk to Roo. I also used the pay phone which I was able to do because I know my credit card number, including expiry date and the 3 digit code on the back! What an idiot!! I since got a credit card bill for those 2 phone calls of about 5 mins each. Fifty bucks!!!
At 6 pm they opened the roads and with some more help from Guy I engaged a taxi for the $90 ride back to Roo.
I can't imagine the depression I may have fallen into without my honey there. She didn't have to ask me how I felt, she didn't try to make me feel better, she didn't hover, and she didn't criticize. Within 2 days she went from that really sucks, to maybe it just wasn't meant to be, to maybe you should think about doing it next year after all, to insisting I sign up!
And that of course is what brings me here today. Her blessing, and my stubbornness. I will not leave this thing undone. Yes indeed I am signed up for the same race next year, and what would an Ironman be without an accompanying blog? I'm not sure how much philosophizing I'll be doing, but at this point at least I intend on posting every day. At the very least I want to maintain it as a training log, so if anyone ver wants to come work out with me I'll record that as well.
"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."---Jacques Benigne
It was a surreal morning. For some reason I was very relaxed, even to the point of carelessness. By 5:45 am Roo and the grandchildren had already headed out for the 2 km hike to the swim start and I probably spent another half hour at the RV before I left on my old transport bike with all my gear. By the time I arrived at the transition they were already removing the containers where you're supposed to drop your special needs bags. The transition area was completely empty and when I went into the change tent to put my wetsuit on there was only one other guy left. In actual fact I was the very last of 2500 competitors to arrive at the swim start, just minutes before my start time.
I looked around for Roo and the kids but to no avail, and into the pond I went. The swim was uneventful other than the complete lack of any anxiety. It was clear to me that despite my anxiety in the last weeks/days/hours before the race that I really had my head on straight this time. I expected my time would be the usual, and sure enough I stood up at 1:22 and after getting the wetsuit off proceeded to jog the 400 metres to the transition. This had to be the coolest moment I ever experienced in any triathlon I've ever done. The entire 400 metres was carpeted!!! Yup...a red carpet almost a half kilometer long! And what was really cool was how fantastic I felt. I have never been so relaxed and stress free after a swim of any distance. I felt like I hadn't done a thing yet. A little birdie started whispering in my ear that it was gonna be a special day. Just before the change tents I heard my favorite voices and I even back tracked a bit to get a few kisses.
Then into the mens change tent where I passed a red faced woman coming out, found myself an empty seat amongst the bare asses, out to transition, grabbed my bike, and off I went. It was at this point that some of the aforementioned carelessness became apparent. Looking down at my computer I realized I had not reset it to zero! Wow! I don't recall ever having made that mistake before. And the worst of it was that I couldn't remember which button I had to push to do so, and with my challenged eyesight I had to slow right down and move off to the side to get it sorted out. But finally it read zero and I hit the start and "off to the races"! Ten minutes in and I discovered my next oversight. What an idiot! No water in my aero bottle. I proceeded to slow once more to fill my bottle from my behind the seat storage. Because I need to carry all my nutrition as fluids that meant that one bottle was the only plain water I had available. Not to worry though as I knew I could get lots of spares along the way.
Again I was truly amazed how relaxed I felt, and I determined right there and then that this was going to be a pleasure trip. No focus on time, just relax, stay within myself and have a hoot. I purposely forced my self to ride slower than what felt right, but once more I had that feeling of specialness. Somehow I knew it was gonna be an exhilarating day.
With all of the slowdowns and with the general uphill of the first 20 minutes imagine my surprise when I looked down at my computer to find an average speed of over 33k/hour! I expected lees than 30.
So okay great. Relax some more. Slow down even more. The entire 180 kms was gonna be one long Sunday ride. I guess all this relaxation was leaving me feeling pretty magnanimous when about 20 minutes in I seen some poor slob already with bike problems. He looked very distressed as you can imagine and I determined that I was gonna see if I could help. Sometime people even stupider than me actually forget to pack a spare or a CO2 cartridge, or tire levers or whatever. I yelled at him to see if he had everything, and not getting his response I let myself slow down and drift to the right side of the pavement while trying to listen.
The next thing I remember, and which I'm pretty sure I'll remember for a long time was my face making direct contact with the pavement. I don't recall seeing anything, or even feeling anything other than the shocking feeling of being punched right in the mouth by a huge asphalt fist!!! It still fucking hurts today and I ain't talking physical.
What the fuck just happened here?? Jesus H Christ!!! What the fuck just happened???
I had crashed headlong into a giant construction pylon, and although I know this I have no idea how I know. I assume I must have seen it just before I hit, or after I picked myself up off the ground, but I have no actual memory of either.
I believe I got myself up off the ground and I'm pretty sure a volunteer picked up my bike. My face was bleeding profusely and of course by now I had no water to rinse with, as it had all run onto the ground. I was more worried however by my knee which was hurting like a bitch. For some reason there were quite a few people around and someone ran off to get me some water. I rinsed out a bit and tried to staunch the bleeding and then tried to get my bike back. The guy wouldn't give it to me, insisting I wait for the medic who was only a minute away. The next 10 minutes is kind of foggy. I remember being sat down in a chair, I remember the medic looking into my eyes, and I remember the ambulance guys arriving, but my most vivid recollection of this little stretch of time was the ripping sound of velcro, as upon a nod from the medic, the volunteer bent over and took my timing chip off my ankle. He may as well have ripped my heart out. That rip is at the very least seared into my heart! I sat there and bawled like a baby.
So on a back board, head and neck immobilized, arms and legs all strapped down and into the ambulance for the 30 km ride to the hospital. At this point I started to think about Roo and the kids who would be back at the race site awaiting the automatic time update at the next checkpoint. I managed to convey my worries to the attendant who graciously used her own cell phone to call Roo. Thank god for this woman. I can't even remember her name now but I will always be grateful to this angel....I wonder if Mary sent her??
Once at the hospital that's where my day really began. They poked and prodded and stitched for a couple of hours and deemed me fit for dismissal. This was about noon by now.
Here I am at the hospital in the neighbouring town from the race. I have no money, no credit cards, no phone and no freaking shoes. I'm sitting in the emerg lobby wrapped in a blanket and trying to keep blood from dripping on their floor. The roads are all completely closed to traffic other then police and ambulance. I have no way to get back to Roo and she has no way to get to me. Thank you to my friend Guy Coupal (a volunteer) who kept me company all afternoon and allowed me to use his phone to talk to Roo. I also used the pay phone which I was able to do because I know my credit card number, including expiry date and the 3 digit code on the back! What an idiot!! I since got a credit card bill for those 2 phone calls of about 5 mins each. Fifty bucks!!!
At 6 pm they opened the roads and with some more help from Guy I engaged a taxi for the $90 ride back to Roo.
I can't imagine the depression I may have fallen into without my honey there. She didn't have to ask me how I felt, she didn't try to make me feel better, she didn't hover, and she didn't criticize. Within 2 days she went from that really sucks, to maybe it just wasn't meant to be, to maybe you should think about doing it next year after all, to insisting I sign up!
And that of course is what brings me here today. Her blessing, and my stubbornness. I will not leave this thing undone. Yes indeed I am signed up for the same race next year, and what would an Ironman be without an accompanying blog? I'm not sure how much philosophizing I'll be doing, but at this point at least I intend on posting every day. At the very least I want to maintain it as a training log, so if anyone ver wants to come work out with me I'll record that as well.
"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."---Jacques Benigne
Love
Peter
Woohoo, new blog!! I can't tell you how exciting it was to get the email with the link to your new blog - I've been waiting for this ever since you said it would be called "Face First".
ReplyDeleteThank you for telling us the long version of the story of that day, and for sharing how you felt your heart was ripped out when you were not allowed to race anymore. Of course!! I'm glad you're getting back up and persevering, and I love you for having feelings and for being the best Dad and Grampa there is. I look forward to more blog posts, whatever they are about! And for your next Ironman, bring it on!
Love,
Michael
Finally, the long awaited "face first"! I am certain that Mary sent the angel and several others just because she can. She is an angel for me every day, even when I don't talk to her. I'm thrilled that you are giving yourself another opportunity to realize this dream...game on!!
ReplyDeleteMom and dad would both be proud, as I am, that you jeapordized something so important to you by trying to help someone else. Like Mike and Elly, I look forward to following along, and maybe even joining the training once in a while.
ReplyDeleteLove happy odd john
Yahoo....so happy for you. No one knows why the unexpected happen, they just do. Picking up the pieces and moving on, is what you do. You be the 'Iron Man', no matter what direction the event takes you. It is typical of you to try and help out your fellow athlete, that is the gracious, generous hearted person you are. Journey on my friend.....
ReplyDeleteHey Pete, no less proud of you today than before the race. I admire your audacity and your honesty.
ReplyDeleteCarry on....!