You know, since I started blogging more than 5 years ago I have posted 1304 entries!! Amazing really, especially when you consider that the only reason I started in the first place was to make a public declaration about my Ironman ambitions. And then only as an added motivation to keep me on track.
When I started, I had no idea what I was going to write about, and one might say that after 1304 entries I still don't know. Certainly there has rarely been any continuity in my posts, and it probably wouldn't take much looking to find some complete contradictions. For this I can't really apologize as it is very much in my nature to freely speak what's on my mind, and again, without apology, I admit that my mind is a bit of a cluster fuck.
There have of course been some reoccurring aspects of my blogging, and today I wish to bring two of them together.
The first would be my tendency to use this forum as a way to promote my views on social issues, and the second would be a propensity to use it as a confessional booth.
When I mentioned the scrambled nature of both my mind, and my posts, I would however like to add the disclaimer that sometimes I have moments of clarity. Often those moments come about simply because I write. For me, it's kinda like putting the words out there in the air to see what they look like. Once they're out there I find it easier to tweak my thoughts. When I do this honestly I begin to see the contradictions in my words, and more importantly in my life.
So back to my aforementioned two themes. You have probably noticed throughout my blogging that I have a great deal of passion about the rights, or lack thereof, of the gay community. I suppose I am somewhat biased, having not just a brother and a son who claim this designation, but many friends to boot.
I hate jumping on band wagons, and generally I don't like societies heroes, but today I wish to tell you that my new real life superhero is Michael Sam. For the time being he takes top spot away from George Carlin.
While having a big set of balls is rarely associated with gay males, I can't think of a better way to describe this guy. A young black man playing the worlds most super macho sport, has the machismo to face head on what is probably the most homophobic world there is, short perhaps of a few countries in Africa and the Middle East. I have often been a bit lukewarm about marginal athletes who acknowledged their sexual orientation at the end of their careers, but no such criticism can be levelled at Sam. And while I also admit that in the dictionary definition of machismo, Sam doesn't quite fit, I still can't keep myself from humming that old Village People song. The courage this man exhibits overwhelms me.
As an aside, one other tendency of my posts that just occurs to me, is that I often defer to other more gifted writers/orators when I want to make a point. Please enjoy Mr Dale Hansens thoughts.
So that is that, for theme number one today. I am excited about the positive changes that seem to be occurring in our world as relates to gay rights, and am particularly proud to live in a country that while perhaps not the world leader in human rights, is not far in arrears of anyone. That being said, homophobia still exists in Canada, and to a far greater extent in the world in general.
And I particularly use the term homophobia, in order to segue into part two of today's post. That of confession. When I look up phobia in the dictionary I find something like, "intense, irrational fear". And no, I'm not about to confess to homophobia, because I don't think I've ever really experienced it. Certainly I have been afraid for my son, and to a lesser extent for my little brother and friends, but I don't think I was ever afraid of homosexuality. Rather I was afraid of the pain that my loved ones would inevitably have to face. I think that kind of fear is natural, especially as it relates to ones own child, and I don't think it merits any guilt feelings.
But I'm still guilty! I learned once that the only value in the feeling of guilt is when it stops you from repeating the same mistakes. Based on that I freely confess that while perhaps not homophobic myself, I am as guilty as the next person of having been part of propagating this fear in our world. I have contributed through my words and actions, or in some cases, through lack of them.
It is this realization, and this acceptance of my own shortcomings that helps me to understand, and even accept the fears of those who would criticize a guy like Michael Sam. While I accept their fears, I don't accept that it needs to remain that way, and furthermore I have the option of lashing out at them (which I sometimes do) or trying to find a better way to bring some light into the dark. When I lash out it is usually in a self righteous way, as if I'm a morally superior person. That attitude quite frankly is a lie!
While I have been gifted with so many special gay people in my life, the knowing of which has taught me a better way, the vast majority of our society has not had that blessing. Before my enlightenment I told a gay joke as well as anyone. I'm not proud of it, but in truth I didn't really realize what I was doing. Or at least that's my excuse.
Before I finalize my confession please know why I choose to offer it. My motives are purely selfish. Being open about mistakes I've made helps me to rid myself of the guilt, and hopefully along with my pleas for social justice, puts some good vibes out into the world.
Finally I wish to give you a graphic example of my contribution to homophobia in our world. How I could ever have thought that something I find so vulgar now, was even the least bit funny 40 years ago I'll never know. If you're either old enough, or you're a music history buff, you would know of a Scottish boy band that arrived on the scene in a big way in the mid seventies, named the Bay City Rollers. My friends and I unabashedly called them the Gay City Faggots!!!! Note that I say, my friends and I, in an effort to excuse the words as common language. "I", called them the Gay City Faggots!!
I feel shame as I type the words…..I'm sorry….
And so when I read the apologies of public figures who are trying to back pedal on stupid things they said, and while I take them with a grain of salt, there is also a part of me that says; okay, you get a second chance too!
And yes, this was the post I was considering yesterday but decided to defer. It's hard work for me to put something like this together, both because I'm not a naturally gifted writer, and because intense topics cause me some emotional stress. But like my title says…no pain, no gain! I also worry a bit that my ramblings won't be understood the way I intended them, so please give me the benefit of the doubt if anything in here leaves you uncomfortable.
Oh, and by the way. If indeed I was free of any serious homophobia as a young man, I believe the responsibility for that lies squarely at the feet of my 3 remarkable older sisters.
So now I'm tired. Tired from this writing, and tired from my workout today. I spent almost 4 hours in the basement, and it actually went reasonably well. Next week is easy bike week, and I will take advantage by getting another long run in. My injury continues to improve to the point that I'm even gonna do a short run again tomorrow. Right now I think I'm gonna be able to race with Roo in 6 weeks. I'm gonna wear my rainbow shoes. Game on!!
computrainer, 3:45, 142 watts
“If your social consciousness seems stuck in 1975, 2014 is gonna be a rough ride.”---John Scalzi
…and this one helps explain my respect for Michael Sam...
“'Non-white' gay men are run over at the intersection of racism and homophobia”---Eric C. Wat
Love
Peter
When I started, I had no idea what I was going to write about, and one might say that after 1304 entries I still don't know. Certainly there has rarely been any continuity in my posts, and it probably wouldn't take much looking to find some complete contradictions. For this I can't really apologize as it is very much in my nature to freely speak what's on my mind, and again, without apology, I admit that my mind is a bit of a cluster fuck.
There have of course been some reoccurring aspects of my blogging, and today I wish to bring two of them together.
The first would be my tendency to use this forum as a way to promote my views on social issues, and the second would be a propensity to use it as a confessional booth.
When I mentioned the scrambled nature of both my mind, and my posts, I would however like to add the disclaimer that sometimes I have moments of clarity. Often those moments come about simply because I write. For me, it's kinda like putting the words out there in the air to see what they look like. Once they're out there I find it easier to tweak my thoughts. When I do this honestly I begin to see the contradictions in my words, and more importantly in my life.
So back to my aforementioned two themes. You have probably noticed throughout my blogging that I have a great deal of passion about the rights, or lack thereof, of the gay community. I suppose I am somewhat biased, having not just a brother and a son who claim this designation, but many friends to boot.
I hate jumping on band wagons, and generally I don't like societies heroes, but today I wish to tell you that my new real life superhero is Michael Sam. For the time being he takes top spot away from George Carlin.
While having a big set of balls is rarely associated with gay males, I can't think of a better way to describe this guy. A young black man playing the worlds most super macho sport, has the machismo to face head on what is probably the most homophobic world there is, short perhaps of a few countries in Africa and the Middle East. I have often been a bit lukewarm about marginal athletes who acknowledged their sexual orientation at the end of their careers, but no such criticism can be levelled at Sam. And while I also admit that in the dictionary definition of machismo, Sam doesn't quite fit, I still can't keep myself from humming that old Village People song. The courage this man exhibits overwhelms me.
As an aside, one other tendency of my posts that just occurs to me, is that I often defer to other more gifted writers/orators when I want to make a point. Please enjoy Mr Dale Hansens thoughts.
So that is that, for theme number one today. I am excited about the positive changes that seem to be occurring in our world as relates to gay rights, and am particularly proud to live in a country that while perhaps not the world leader in human rights, is not far in arrears of anyone. That being said, homophobia still exists in Canada, and to a far greater extent in the world in general.
And I particularly use the term homophobia, in order to segue into part two of today's post. That of confession. When I look up phobia in the dictionary I find something like, "intense, irrational fear". And no, I'm not about to confess to homophobia, because I don't think I've ever really experienced it. Certainly I have been afraid for my son, and to a lesser extent for my little brother and friends, but I don't think I was ever afraid of homosexuality. Rather I was afraid of the pain that my loved ones would inevitably have to face. I think that kind of fear is natural, especially as it relates to ones own child, and I don't think it merits any guilt feelings.
But I'm still guilty! I learned once that the only value in the feeling of guilt is when it stops you from repeating the same mistakes. Based on that I freely confess that while perhaps not homophobic myself, I am as guilty as the next person of having been part of propagating this fear in our world. I have contributed through my words and actions, or in some cases, through lack of them.
It is this realization, and this acceptance of my own shortcomings that helps me to understand, and even accept the fears of those who would criticize a guy like Michael Sam. While I accept their fears, I don't accept that it needs to remain that way, and furthermore I have the option of lashing out at them (which I sometimes do) or trying to find a better way to bring some light into the dark. When I lash out it is usually in a self righteous way, as if I'm a morally superior person. That attitude quite frankly is a lie!
While I have been gifted with so many special gay people in my life, the knowing of which has taught me a better way, the vast majority of our society has not had that blessing. Before my enlightenment I told a gay joke as well as anyone. I'm not proud of it, but in truth I didn't really realize what I was doing. Or at least that's my excuse.
Before I finalize my confession please know why I choose to offer it. My motives are purely selfish. Being open about mistakes I've made helps me to rid myself of the guilt, and hopefully along with my pleas for social justice, puts some good vibes out into the world.
Finally I wish to give you a graphic example of my contribution to homophobia in our world. How I could ever have thought that something I find so vulgar now, was even the least bit funny 40 years ago I'll never know. If you're either old enough, or you're a music history buff, you would know of a Scottish boy band that arrived on the scene in a big way in the mid seventies, named the Bay City Rollers. My friends and I unabashedly called them the Gay City Faggots!!!! Note that I say, my friends and I, in an effort to excuse the words as common language. "I", called them the Gay City Faggots!!
I feel shame as I type the words…..I'm sorry….
And so when I read the apologies of public figures who are trying to back pedal on stupid things they said, and while I take them with a grain of salt, there is also a part of me that says; okay, you get a second chance too!
And yes, this was the post I was considering yesterday but decided to defer. It's hard work for me to put something like this together, both because I'm not a naturally gifted writer, and because intense topics cause me some emotional stress. But like my title says…no pain, no gain! I also worry a bit that my ramblings won't be understood the way I intended them, so please give me the benefit of the doubt if anything in here leaves you uncomfortable.
Oh, and by the way. If indeed I was free of any serious homophobia as a young man, I believe the responsibility for that lies squarely at the feet of my 3 remarkable older sisters.
So now I'm tired. Tired from this writing, and tired from my workout today. I spent almost 4 hours in the basement, and it actually went reasonably well. Next week is easy bike week, and I will take advantage by getting another long run in. My injury continues to improve to the point that I'm even gonna do a short run again tomorrow. Right now I think I'm gonna be able to race with Roo in 6 weeks. I'm gonna wear my rainbow shoes. Game on!!
computrainer, 3:45, 142 watts
“If your social consciousness seems stuck in 1975, 2014 is gonna be a rough ride.”---John Scalzi
…and this one helps explain my respect for Michael Sam...
“'Non-white' gay men are run over at the intersection of racism and homophobia”---Eric C. Wat
Love
Peter
Kudos to you and Dale Hanson! Lovely lovely loving. Thank you immensely.
ReplyDeleteAgree with Elly. Admiration for you, Elly, Michael Sam, and Dale Hanson! Love makes the world go 'round!
ReplyDeleteJoyful Old Roo
I am so grateful you are my Dad! Michael Sam also makes me feel better about the world -- Ellen Page also came out recently, too (if you haven't seen her speech, please look it up!). I just realized in the last couple days that it feels like more and more public figures are 'coming out', and this is something that I think both reflects a better society (in which more people in their individual lives feel comfortable being honest about who they are) and in turn also helps to create a better society. Frankly, the more people that say they are gay, the more normalized it becomes, and the more normal and less alone I, and many people, feel. It can be very powerful, I think particularly for Michael Sam because he is in football - he has begun to blaze a trail that will travel for years and make it easier for so many men in the world of sports to be open about who they are. It's pretty exciting.
ReplyDelete